p. Let go and forgive. Teach your children, by example, to do the same.
Many years ago I taught a class to adults with disabilities. The class would last about six weeks and would be for, on average, about 10 hours a week. We developed a very close rapport in almost all classes. They had all kinds of disabilities, some physical and some psychological and sometimes a combination of both. (It can be difficult to experience chronic physical disability and/or pain without also experiencing some depression or other emotional and psychological difficulties.) Now, what I’m about to share may sound a little silly, but it was actually very powerful, almost every time. This would be done around the beginning of the third week.I would be out of the class and my partner would be with the group talking. We would always sit at tables in a circle for better communication between members of the group. At a certain point I would come into the room with a back pack on. It would be fairly large and obviously heavy. Usually someone in the class would ask me a question and if they asked about the backpack, I would ignore the question, but when they asked how I was feeling I would tell them that I wasn’t feeling very well and that I was feeling a very heavy burden. I may say that I’m sore, or have a back ach and/or headache. Eventually, and invariably, someone would quite emphatically tell me to take the stupid backpack off. I would take the pack off, still holding it in my arms and open it up. One at a time I would take large rocks out of the bag and talk about something that had happened in my life, sometime when I had been wronged by friends, family, employers or whatever. They were always genuine events. Each time after talked about it, I would put the rock down on the table in front of me, with a thud. After the bag was empty, we would talk about the cost to us of carrying a grudge or hurt feelings. We would talk about some of the concepts from Love is Letting Go of Fear and about the benefits of forgiving and letting go. Forgiving and letting go, do not mean that you ever need to put yourself again in a situation where you will be hurt, or that others do not need to be accountable for their actions. Bad things happen; some things need to be reported to appropriate officials, there are some people that we can not allow to hurt us or others we care about any more. Letting go does mean that you love yourself and no longer carry the burden around, it means that we let go of judging why, because we just don’t know. It also means that we forgive ourselves and move on without the excess baggage from the past.
20 comments:
One of the most helpful things I've ever heard when it came to the issue of forgiveness was from Beth Moore--a teacher of Ladies' Bible studies. She had been abused as a child and had come to the point of forgiving her abuser. She said, "Forgiveness doesn't make what happened right. It makes you right."
I really appreciate the example of taking the rocks out of the backpack. Jesus is the ultimate example of how we can forgive and be forgiven. With Him we can have our load lightened. Jesus says in Matthew 11:30
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Such and important thing for both adults and children to learn and to remember is to let go and to forgive. I agree that it can be the source of much stress and pain in ones life, what people don't understand is that forgiveness doesn't mean that what what done is right, it just means that we aren't going to allow it to run our lives anymore. The best way I have heard it put is that "When we refuse to forgive it's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
Very well said Summer
I have a friend whose brother died in a car wreck it as been a little over a year that it has happened. She talks about him all the time and sometimes it is difficult for others because they aren't sure of what to say anymore. Is this her way dealing with the situation or is this normal?
That is a little beyond normal. Your friend may need to speak to a grief counselor.
I feel that we need to incourage the children and our selves to remember each day is a blessing and a chance to start fresh. We dont wear the same cloths every day so why take the problems or grudge from yesturday into today. I also feel each of us neds to learn to accept our actions and face them . Its alot harder to have a grudge and be a misserable person if we take a lesson from each day.
I also find this helpful at work when I have a crabby or stressed out parent pick up their child. I know that it wasn't something that I did to upset them but maybe something at work or maybe at the gerocery store. I have to know that I can't take it to heart or hold it agenst them, we all have our bad days. Tomorrow is a new day and that parent and child are very important.
Cheryl, I too attended a Beth Moore study on this same issue. It is amongst the most important qualities.
Katie Bowman
Start here: http://responsiblepracticalparenting.blogspot.com/
Much of your question will be answered there. If it is not, please repost your question; however, the broad question should be answered. After reading through the information there, you may have a more specific question which I would be glad to respond to.
This is powerful because how much baggage of past hurts do we all carry around, sometimes not even being aware of it. It is best to let go and forgive and not so much for the other person, but to release yourself to walk in the freedom that you deserve to walk in.
Selena
What are some more strategies that people have used to help them forgive and forget? How can you forgive someone but protect yourself at the same time when someone has hurt you?
Get and read the book, Love is Letting Go of Fear, then come back and ask questions about this topic. It will likely help a lot.
"Do as I say, not as I do!"" JK
"Turn the other cheek"
Teaching by example can be one of the hardest, but most permament methods. I try to teach this through being sure to say "I forgive you" when students have to apologize to me for hitting or other bad behavior instead of trivializing it with an "it's okay". I hope that that goes a long ways towards helping them understand how good it feels to be forgiven and forgive others. It is hard to show them or teach them how to forgive when it comes to their interactions with each other, as you can only effect the external situation instead of their internal feelings. You can never MAKE them forgive, you can only show them how.
Well said Rebecca P, Thank you!
I guess we do not forgive others if we always go back to an incident and tell someone how that person done us wrong. To truly forgive we forget the incident, I think. sharon
I think you forgive by forgetting an incident, if you do not forget it and keep thinking about it you have not forgiven.
You usually feel better and gets rid of alot of anger and stress if you let it go and forgive someone.
I like to imagine tying whatever I need to let go to a helium balloon and then visually release it. Once it's gone, it's not mine to dwell on.
Choosing not to be offended has helped me. The little things will consume you if you spend time obsessing over them.
I've been working with the kids in learning to forgive, even when the other child isn't exactly sorry. I remind them that forgiving doesn't mean that they weren't hurt, it means they don't have to continue to feel hurt.
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