f. Align values and behavior.
We bring a great deal of stress on ourselves when we do not do, what we, deeply inside ourselves, believe is right. This is very close to the concept of Cognitive Dissonance. Almost all of us have values. Sometimes, though almost imperceptibly, values can show up in grand children and even great grandchildren that were not openly taught by the parents. I mention this because when our behaviors do not match our values, this causes an inner friction, sometimes called guilt, dissonance, uneasiness or stress.
Clearly teach values to your children and coach them in living up to those values. Do not too easily discount the wisdom of the ages. Seek to understand your own values and align your behaviors with your values. Elevating behaviors, though it may be hard work at first, is almost always more helpful than rationalizing, or depressing values. We used to read and tell moral stories that helped to build character and values. This doesn't happen as often as it once did. Books like Aesops Fables and The Book of Virtues can be valuable resources in teaching children; however, perhaps the most important book a child will read is the adults they are with. Be an example of what you would want them to be. "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson http://www.karmaresources.com/quotes.html
8 comments:
This is absolutely true. I have seen many people that tell their children to say please and thank you. However, when talking to their child later will just say, "Get your shoes on" or "hand me that pen". These people obviously are trying to raise their children to be polite, but are practicing a different behavior...even if unintentionally. Taking a few more seconds to say, "Would you please put your shoes on?" Is such a little thing, but sometimes little things can make a big difference. It is much easier to teach a child something if you are leading by example.
What do you do when your values might not be the same as the parents whom you are watching their children?
It depends, can you provide an example? You need to live your values, but you can not impose them on others. If there is a conflict you need to still live yours and let the parents understand and give them the choice of staying with you.
Sometimes you need to think about and consider what matters most, what is/are your most important values in the situation.
Ask parents and providers, it is our job to help our children succeed. We set goals that we intend to help them meet, but I feel we are just guessing as to when they are developmentally ready for those goals. As adults, we are responsible for knowing what it is that we want and what it will take to get us there. We try not to take on things that are outside our comfort zone, yet when we do and we succeed we are proud of ourselves.
Many times we don't realize how stressful things are around us until we can look back and see what we went through. At that point, it is up to us to make a decision as to whether or not we will put ourselves in that situation again and if we do, what we will do to make it better.
Tiffany Gilmore
I like to hear adults speak with manners, and particularly enjoy it when a youth remembers their manners, that means their care givers have 'trained' them well.
We need to be on the same page as the parents, so take a few private moments to talk with them, to hear how they are speaking and to learn of their culture, and faith.
Lead by example! Children learn what they live and live what they learn. (did I say that right?)
Wow! I loved the quote by Emerson! It led me to ask the question, How do I teach a child that insincere apologies do not fix unacceptable behavior?
Not all the kids we come in contact with will have the same beliefs or values we do & that's ok. I do believe that it's ok for me to have certain rules about my values/beliefs for my classroom. Like no swearing, bickering, bullying etc. I encourage empathy by having them use their words in dealing with a disagreement with a friend, instead of me taking care of it. I teach them respect for others, nature & animals & try to be a good example. I want my classroom to be a safe place for them & me.
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