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j. Healthy Relationships Much of my early learning about stress management came from three different sources; Love Medicine & Miracles: Lessons Learned About Self-Healing From A Surgeon’s Experience With Exceptional Patients, Bernie S. Siegel, MD, Love Is Letting Go Of Fear, Gerald G. Jampolsky, MD, and Minding The Body Mending The Mind, Joan Borysenko, MD. One of the stories that has always stuck with me from Minding The Body Mending The Mind is about some research conducted decades ago in Rosetta Pennsylvania. At the time, Rosetta had surprisingly good health rates in comparison with the country as a whole. Researchers thought that they would find exceptionally good health habits in the community but they did not. What they did find was a very supportive and tight nit community. They also found that when people moved away from Rosetta, their level of health soon averaged out to be on par with the rest of the country. Another story from one of the books above was about a children’s hospital for infants. In those days, the recovery rate for hospitalized infants was very low. In one hospital and on one wing of the hospital, more babies were living. This surprised enough people that someone decided that they should try to find out why. The nursing care was the same, the doctors were the same. The wing was similar to others. If anything, this wing was a little dirtier than the others. What they discovered was an old German woman who was supposed to be cleaning, was holding the babies. Attachment is one of the most important and fundamental protective factors for children and adults. The key is not just quality time as you often hear, but quality, quantity, and consistent time. Babies and children need face to face enjoyable communication and interaction with consistent adults. Good attachment, relationships with warm support, have always been great stress mitigators. Having someone you trust, who you can can share thoughts, feeling and troubles with as well as bounce ideas off is essential for almost everyone. Often this relationship does not require any advice, sometimes that's even best, just a sympathetic and listening ear can help to relieve a troubled soul...often it's good for the listener too.
13 comments:
I agree that healthy relationships are important and that we should all maintain them throughout our lives. I was wondering what others' felt as far as maintaining relationships with family members that maybe aren't so healthy. Let me explain quickly, 3yrs ago I let my Mother and step father go out of my life due to situations that I felt were unhealthy to me and my family, I've gotten a lot of flack for this. Why is it that most people feel that just because she's a Mother that I should cut her some slack for doing things that no one would put up with from anyone else?
Summer,
If a relationship is so caustic that it is unhealthy then arms length is appropriate. As it is your mother though, you might consider a card from time to time.
Healthy relationships are very important. I think that it is critical that parents have good relationships with their children. If you don't your home could be a very stressful environment and it should be place that children can feel safe, secure and happy.
I completly agree with this article. Every child needs to feel safe and secure to grow properly. Building a strong relationship and showing love to all children is crucial . especialy those who seem to need a little bit of a firmer hand in life.
Positive relationships are a very important thing to have in a family. I am going through a custody battle with my mom who lives 600 miles away. My 4 yr. old son lives with her. I am trying to keep a positive relationship with my son while he is so far away. I am unable to move to where he is at so all of our interaction is on the phone. My mom won't let us Skype so it makes it extremely difficult. Trying to hold a phone conversation with a very active 4 yr. old is almost impossible. Does anyone have any advice that would help me keep a relationship with my son before I win him back in court? Maybe there's phone games or something that I don't know about...
Send notes, ask him what he's doing and how his day is going when you talk with him. Talk about what he is interested in.
It is very hard when you feel you don't have someone who will listen to you and not judge you and you need to be that person for your children and children in your care. Stressed relationships make everything so hard.
I believe that attachment begins at birth and in our hospitals mothers should have first attachment with their infants and the earliest opportunity to form that bond.
I find stress relief through positive visualization and guided imagery. Thinking of something calming and enjoyable can not only reduce the amount of stress one has, but can also clear the conscience and soothe the soul. Whether it be a favorite leisure activity, cooking, or a simple walk on the bike path, everyone has something positive to visualize and look forward to. LP
Brandi M.
But that LISTENER is out there, whether it be a family member, a co-worker, or just someone you meet with common interests. Yes it is hard and it makes things harder for you with the children but WE can't give up and let it work us all up. We have to be the leveled ones for our babies.
Thinking about Healthy Relationships, I feel like I have one now with my 6 year old daughter! I often worry about her teenage years. What are some little extra things I might do to keep our relationship Healthy through those years?
I lost my husband a number of years ago, but I have a good relationship with my sons, and daughters, and they help me with alot of things I have to figure out how to do. It is nice to have this relationship
I've watched documentaries on orphanages where there isn't enough attachment activities for the infants & how detrimental it is for their development. Kids need that at any age. Spending time one on one with our daycare kids isn't always something we can do everyday, but I try to plan activities where we can make a craft together or learn a new art technique.
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