To read more about self-efficacy and stress click here.
e. Increase self-efficacy.
This statement may come as a surprise to many; but, one of the problems with today’s society in the United States is the emphasis on self-esteem. Good self-esteem can be a great thing; however, self-esteem without appropriate boundaries, sense of responsibility, empathy and self-control can be dangerous. There are lots of criminals with great self-esteem. We all know, may be related to, and have probably worked with jerks who have great self-esteem. Often people without self-efficacy and without self-control have a tendency to try to control others. This is frustrating and stressful for everyone. Help a child or any individual build self-efficacy, help them develop appropriate boundaries, empathy, responsibility and self control and you will have self-esteem.
To build self-efficacy, set goals and accomplish them. Help others to set goals and accomplish them. It doesn't’t have to be formal, it can be very informal and in small increments such as giving more and more responsibility to children or employees, helping them, providing the right tools, and instructing them until they can do it on their own.
My youngest son was born in August, making him one of the youngest in his class. He struggled with speech and in school. I remember when he was young and in scouting (one of many great programs including 4-H that help to build self-efficacy) he was struggling to memorize something. I was speaking with him, trying to help him, and urged him to get it done and told him that he was capable. His reply shocked me. He said: “mom doesn't think I’m capable.” As soon as I possibly could, I had a conversation with my wife, his mom. She then had a conversation with our son. Today he is an Eagle Scout, gets mostly A’s, is taking college level classes as a High School Senior and plans to be an engineer. We worked a great deal with him to help him succeed and build self-efficacy. We read together almost every morning before school and continued through the summer. Every year as other children would loose ground in reading; our children would not and would be better set to continue in their formal schooling. For much more extensive information on self-efficacy, click here.Self-Efficacy provides confidence and calmness even in the presence of adversity. Help children to build Self-Efficacy by helping them to accomplish developmentally appropriate but increasingly difficult tasks. Remember it is a lazy parent that does everything for their child."We find that people's beliefs about their efficacy affects the sorts of choices they make in very significant ways. In particular, it affects their levels of motivation and perseverance in the face of obstacles. Most success requires persistent efforts, so low self-efficacy becomes a self-limiting process. In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, strung together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life." – Albert Bandura “Persons who have a strong sense of efficacy deploy their attention and effort to the demands of the situation and are spurred by obstacles to greater effort”. – Albert Bandura“The content of most textbooks is perishable, but the tools of self-directness serve one well over time.”– Albert Bandura
20 comments:
This is a section that I will read again and pay closer attention to. I had to look up what the definition was for "self-efficacy". It really caught my attention because of what it said about self-esteem. I have recently come to the conclusion that self-esteem can be very deceptive, and I'm not sure that it can ever really be measured in another person. And often-times not even in ourselves. I don't believe low self-esteem is always evidenced by our behavior. (Except maybe by those with the proper training and educational background.) I also believe that the greater percentage of people have self-esteem issues--due to the many things that come against us when we are children and unable to process things adequately. But there are so many ways that one can cover up low self-esteem, and appear to have it altogether. (With emphasis on "appear".) As a daycare provider, a child's self-esteem is a natural area of concern. But it is also very vague because of the many factors invovled. But when you consider coming at it from the angle of self-efficacy--this is both practical and applicable.
I thought it was interesting that "it is a lazy parent that does everything for their child." I wonder how this carries on into later life. Is it "the lazy spouse that does everything for the other"?
--Christina Pokorny, ward5672(a)gmail.com
We have a 9 year old son who seems to have difficulty with issues that arise from self esteem. He is a very gifted child. He has trouble completing simple tasks. He gets very frustrated and gives up on himself quite easily. We have always been mindful to encourage him and not tear him down. We have provided his chores in written format with areas to check off when completed and this seems to have helped. Any suggestions?
To Christina, typically I would say there is some truth to that; however, my father did pretty much everything for my mother the last few years before she died. Neither of them were ever lazy.
To David,
Continue to give him things to do as you have done. You may want to give him some more difficult things to do that he is interested in and do them with him. That builds a child in a number of different ways.
CR Petersen
I found this to be a interesting section. I my self struggle with low self esteem due to being bi-polar. As indepentant as I am or wish I could be, I find it hard not to have someone help me out with things. Where I work there is one child who is a three year old and this chlds parents do everything for him and still talk to him as if he was one or two. My co_workers and I are trying to teach him that he can do anything he sets his mind to. That he is fully capable of doing the "norms" for a three year old. But where we are getting little help from his home it is making it very hard to be consistent with it and keep him on somewhat of a routine. Does anyone have any good suggestions on how to go about helping this young man? I fear with his parents doing everything for him that he will continue to "beat" himself up verbally and continue to have signs of low self esteem....
The situation you talk about can be really difficult. Continue to build his self-efficacy by doing the things you are talking about and then when the parents are picking him up or dropping him off say "look what ___ can do" or "look what ___ did." It may surprise them. Another option is if you have a really good relationship with them is to share this or some similar information with them. You could also share some developmental information with them and let them know that their son is right on target and able to do these things.
I hope that helps.
Good luck,
CR Petersen
I watch a 7 year old who has low self esteem due to weight. I always serve well balanced meals but at home she is given what every she wants. How can I help to instill good habits with out making her feel bad about herself?
There is very little you can do about what she is allowed to eat at home; however, you can teach all of the children you work with about good nutrition and even help them to experience how they feel after they have eaten certain foods. You can help her to gain the knowledge and skills about good eating habits and create consistent opportunities for her to have fun with exercise through play. Perhaps she can learn to love something physical, like t-ball or something even more energetic but safe.
I feel that this is our main goal , we have a hand in prepairing every child in our life for the real world. We need to incourage them to try and we should always support them in their efforts. I have enjoyed this article very much and would love to post it in the center i work in.
I have never thought about aiding in someone else goal and building their self esteem would in turn build your own. This does make sense though. I see the over confident all the time. I have also seen many stressed over confident people. Its all in how you view things.
Katie Bowman
It is much easier as a parent, of course, to do the tasks quickly and efficiently than it is to let your child take over. Recently our dishwasher broke down. We have found ourselves washing dishes by hand the last week or two. When it was my 10 year old's turn for dishes, she complained royally that she would have to wash them. When she finally completed the job, it was sketchy at best. Some food and stuff left on dried dishes. I really wanted to just wash them again myself, and get on with things. But I called her back in, stood next to her and filled up the sink and taught her how to scrub each dish and how it should look, feel etc. She was angry about having to do them again, but I think working together was a good thing for her, that she really learned, and I don't think she wants to do them twice any more. The next time it was her turn they looked better.
Good for you. You may want to read a book with her, Up from Slavery: An Autobiography by Booker T. Washington it's all online here: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2376 There are some incredibly important lessons in that book that many people could benefit from today.
Working with kids all week it's important to teach them and give them praise for the things that they were able to accomplish by themselves. Challenging them after they succeed so that they know they cando it by themselves.
I remember when out with my sister, that one of her children was walking too close to the road, and she said nothing to restrain him, instead she was letting him learn that he shouldn't be too close to the edge, I was horrified.
There is a little girl in our class that won't let anyone help her, and just has melts downs when she can't do something (usually without trying!). I tell her to calm down and think about how we can 'fix' the problem, she usually does it herself, and says "I fixed it", quite pleased with herself.
It is interesting how good self-efficacy can lead to healthy self-esteem, instead of having too much. So it makes me wonder how it effects students self-efficacy when, in the interest of building their self-esteem, they are rewarded or praised for doing what is easy to them or what comes naturally? Would that just train them that life is supposed to be that easy and if they have to work really hard it means they can't do it? It makes me think of how a lot of gifted students, my brother included, have always found school easy and never faced a real academic challenge-and thus learn to avoid them for fear of failing at what is supposed to be so easy for them.
I will need to re read this section a few times I am sure! I Love the Goal setting section and have it book marked! I just recently heard something along the lines of the "lazy parent" comment and what I took away from it was, If we do everything for our children when they "cant do it" They will never learn to strive for better from themselves.
We need to give praise when children do good things and learn to do things. It helps us all to have some praise.
I think its great to praise children in their victories but to also help push them to do even better in their next challenges. I often struggle with parents who don't do this with their children, and as a result they struggle. They either don't want to try at all out of fear of failing, or limit themselves from pushing more and just doing the minimum of requirements in a task. What ways can I help (respectfully) encourage parents to praise their children but also push them in their next challenges?
I think that applying self efficacy to my day, as a teacher, has helped me improve my class in so many positive ways! Being a teacher is a stressful job and sometimes going into work can get a little hard. I've found that when I'm struggling going into it knowing that I can teach my class and that the day is going to be great has improved how the day actually goes.
Self efficacy is much more than just self esteem. Kids learn appropriate boundaries, self control, empathy & confidence through their experiences and in seeing how others deal with similar situations.
I try to make sure there are written rules/goals (or pictures) to remind the kids what the tasks are for each day. We regularly go over what happens when someone makes a bad choice & the consequences.
We even made up a saying that gets added to regularly: "No fighting, No biting, No hitting, no spitting, and no potty words (or whatever else that has come up that day). I also use the theory of if they want to tell a tattle, they have to sing it or they can use the "tattle phone".
I also try to show them how to do things & compliment them when they show me how they are doing.
Post a Comment